The cold inside

This is me back again, after thousand time.
I know you would say that I'm back 'cause there is probably something wrong going on, and I would agree, cause I'm here back again cause I'm feeling myself tired and sad again.
No I didn't forget about it while I've been gone, but I've been lazy for doing it, but many times I did want to come here and say what was in my heart.
But maybe this is what kept me away for so long... maybe I'm heartless.
Maybe I do not have a heart anymore cause for a really long time, even after I've lost myself in this world I don't like at all, I wasn't feeling my heart beating as warm as it used to be, and I don't even know if it acctually happent or if it was only a dream.

Sad but true, I'm here to say that I've been missing it, but sometimes words come from the heart and since I do not have a heart anymore, maybe words are just empty lines of bull**t.

Nevermind me

Somehow it feels like the years has finally started, I feel weirdly fine today and I don't care if I should or should not, in my heart everything seems so calm, so nevermind me if I'm just beeing silly today, maybe I'm just tired, and in my bed the world seems a little less scary and I can just let myself fall and say or think any and every things stupid.
In any way, thanks for the day.

Follow the butterflies

When the year finally came smiling at me...

It feels like this years has just started right now, when I finally found a place to my head, now that I can see ahead and smell possibilities for something else, for a change, the different perspective of my future, now I see I can do what I always wanted and I hope everything just go in the right way cause this is my last chance, not that last, but I can't loose this opportunity to make a change.

Never mind if I'm just repeating myself, my mind is kind stucked in this view full of colors and butterflies flying in front of me guiding me through the rainbow path, not considering some things of the past, cause the last year I felt the most deep loneliness and I don't want to feel it anymore, so I can only think and wish everything NEW, and nothing more.

Stay tunned cause it's coming... [hehe]

Two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes, the way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's ok
I'm finally now believing

Maybe it's true that I can't live without you
Well maybe two is better than one
There's so much time to figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure out with all is said and done
And two is better than one
......
Two is better than one

Stop my head!

I know I need to stop my head and put out all my thoughts, fears and self conflits on the paper to do not have they walking by my side, but I feel so lady for this.
I feel like I need to stop in a silent place and make all the waves of thoughts come to the shore so I can drawn it on the sand, maybe I can build a castle or just a little house.
I only know I miss somethings, somebody, some feelings, some moments, some affection and sometimes it seems I'm not going to find it and so on I'll not find myself in paper and pen in hand writting about all the things of inside of me.

Give me the silence, give me the moment and I will successed!



Hanson - Blue Sky

I'm done!

I'm so tired of it all, cause it's always the same.

I can't handle it anymore and it's not the first or the second time I said it.
Lately I've been strong enough to deal with my problems and the criticizes but when they do it because of me with someone I love, it kills me deep inside.

He is the only one who ever understood me in the middle of this mess...

The only thing I want now it to be somewhere else in this world cause I am too tired to keep living this life, I don't want to wait anymore, I don't want to listen to them anymore...

I wish heaven takes me to a place where I only can see the clear water and the green grass and loneliness never sees me again.

Can someone hear me?!

Where is your heart?

I need somebody with a human touch!

No matter what you say it's always the same for me, all your words seems so meaningless and I don't see anything at all besides your empty words, and I swear I'm always trying hard to see through yourself but I can't.

No matter what you say, I need more than words, cause I don't see any interesting inside of you, well I can't see anything inside of you and it kills me cause I need much more, but I know that I have to go out and look in somewhere else for the missing piece.

I'm tired of trying, waiting and wanting...

Jai perdu mes repères
Je nage en eau trouble
Emmène-moi aussi loin que possible
Les paysages défilent et la brume se dissipe
Grâce à toi à nouveau je respire

two thousand and ten expectations!

This is exactly what I have for this new year that stands just in front of me right now. I have to admite that last year was hard, I spent a really long time of meaningless times, trying to find my own peace of mine, but also have had amazing moments of joy and happines with a special guest in my real life.

I was expecting something to chance even if I wasn't believing in it. But at the end of all my unfaithfull journey I found muself into a new life.
Now I see the diference between yesterday and today.

And today is a better day, I can see shinnig light upon the sky, I can see changes ahead and two thousand and ten expectations.

Don't dream is over

For sometime I've lost myself in this big world.
I've lost myself in despair of finding something I have missed somewhere, this thing I don't even know what is.
I've lost my funny way to keep me alive in every morning after cold nights and I've lost myself in this cold room and I've been weak enough to sucumb my wishes and thoughts, but I knew that I needed to go back to the old dexterousness of happines and fascination for the silence.
This is when a tinkerbell cames straight from the magic full moon to open up my eyes and wake me up of this nightmare I was living to show me that I still have reasons to keep trying and keep believing in the same life I used to, cause my life was much better than what they live and tried to make me believe that life means.

She looked me in the eyes with those deep blue eyes and told me all the old stories we used to like, she just dig me inside the heart and showed me dreams I used to have and forgot 'cause they told me that they were just childish and that I was to old for that.
She also taught that I don't need to stop dreaming and I promissed her I will never let myself fall again, cause she gave me the strenght I needed to keep going, and I know she is just somewhere looking after me.

Leave me alone!

I don't need anyone judging me, I don't care about what you say about me.
I don't need anyone joking about my defeats and criticizing me, I live my own life.
I don't need friends to be with me only in good moments nor all the time, stop following me around.
I'm so tired of all this pressure and sufocated people around me, I'm tired of pretende happiness cause they can't handle the silence.
I don't need anyone trying to change me, I don't care about what you like or want me appreciate. I used to think I was too cold and reserved and I tried to open myself more, but it end up with people using my defeats and failure agains me. And I can't have a bad day, 'cause I am always the wrong one, the rude one, so It's better to be the way I am, I tried to be like all the people but I can't handle the pressure.
I don't want to care about how they see me, I got the right to be wrong.
Don't think I need you all the time, cause I can take care of my own.
I don't need nonstop talking people, cause words can hurt more than a gun shoot and I already got my wound to heal, so tears will never fall again, cause I've learned and now I know exactly what I need, 'cause life was much better before.