Creed of my silent suffocation

In cotton trousers, white shirt and my pink socks I lay down in my bed and listen all my cds the whole day.
From Hanson to system of a down, drowned in the verses, feeling the drums in my head, the guittars and the sentimental lyrics of songs about broken heart and despair, singing along, out loud without even care about who is standing next to me.
Lately I`ve been feeling cold, I don`t feel like talking or thinking, I want to be alone in my room, imaging my future, and the only words that comes out of my mouth is the chorus of my favorite songs.
Some old cds like hanson makes more sense to me nowadays cause now I can understand the what they say as better as I used to, I remember how frustrated I used to feel for not understanding what did they say in their songs.
I am feeling as dark as rasmus songs, I feel lost and despair, I wake up in the middle of the night I lose the sleep, I woke up with somethings in my mind, so I wrote them in my diary, but I couldn`t get back to sleep, there`s something blocking me to be myself again, and I don`t know what it is and how to fight against.
I can`t talk about my feeling with anyone but my real friends, people I feel confortable with, people that had felt like this and knows how to help me for good.
I was reading some old post of Sofy`s blog and it makes me feel nice, it`s like being next to her, cause I do miss her! I also miss Sonia my big sister, and I can`t hardly wait to hear Inna singing the songs to make me feel calm.
I want to see everything white around me, I want to smell a new aroma, I want to see new faces, I want to live a new and differen kind of life, feel no more, feel no less.