Life!

I can hear the wishper inside of me

I miss lots of things, things i used to have and things i never had.

I miss lots of people, the ones i uesd to hear, the ones whom listen to me.

I feel lonely in this big road called life, sometimes i am lost, sometimes I feel strong, I am confused, I am hopeless, I want to go, I want to sit and wait, I want to try, I want to write but I cant find the corner of my thoughts, I cant find the goldem box where I used to hide me.

Maybe I have became a oyster with such hard shell.

I dont want to be like those cold people who get locked in the shell afraid of seeing the world, only complaining about the world, and their boring lifes, but sometimes i find myself lied in the sofa stucked in the thousand thoughts that goes up and down in my head, plans, wishes and dreams and i am still there, lied like I was dead.

You don't know me

Do you know who is your friend?

Do you know who you can really trust?

Look who is alone now, it's not me, it's not me

Take your vain personality away from me.

You think you know it all, but you dont.

Take your perfect person away from me.

I hate your stupid jokes about MY feelings.

You think you know me and you thought I was lying to give some different impression of me, but you only believed in the dream you created on your own, cause I am not part of anything of this.

You became entangled in contradictions when you talk about feelings and trust, cause in the inside you don't even know yourself.

I'm different of what you think and my life dont revolves around you and it never does, cause I dont know you and now I dont want to.

Take your life and live it, try to look inside and figure why you are so lonely and life is so boring and stop creating fantasies you are the only who believes.

He is the one

Ii's funny the conection you can have with someone, I dont need to say a word cause he can understand me.
Only a look into the other's eye and everything has been said, and that exaclty what I feel for him.
We can chat a bunch, we laugh together, I cant be mad at him for more than 2 minuts and half, he speaks his heart to me and I do the same, I miss him a lot when he is not around, and I want to have him every single second next to me whenever I can, he can see right through me.
We share thoughts, we share hobbies, we play together and I dont know what would I do without him, and he will be the person I will miss the most when I move from here.
He is and always will be the most important person in my life, cause I love him more than I love anyone else and even more than I have ever loved.
I would give my life for him and I can see a whole diferent meaning in my life since he came into it.
The love I have for him is more than any other love I have had and he knows it cause I do anything and everything for him since always, but the most funny thing is that he is only 11 years old!
Little big brother, I love you!

I'm tired, but I can wait!

My mom is driving me crazy, she started all back again, annoying me for nothing, and now I only have a glimpse of calm cause I feel like some change, and I am trying to keep myself sane only for this.
I have been throught lots of things lately, I met a special guy, and I got my heartbroken, I cried for him, but I stood up, I thought I have found the real love, now he is gone.
I found some good thing and bad too, and I think its enough for me.
I am discovering myself, I am loving all the changes but as always I have only lived and learnt everything on my own.

And I got used to it, I dont need anyone on my back looking after me (but if is a really guy, he can look after me!), if I want anything I have to go on my own, and I like it better. If I want to go or come, its only up to me and it made me stronger, even if sometimes the only thing I want is ride myself from the world.

I will get over it all, and I feel some change, I am looking forward for it.

A girl's heart

I dont regret the end and I dont even want to come back to him but I know how I commited to that relationship , I put my heart and energy and soul on it.

But in the end I moved on, moved along to another stage of my life, all the moments we had was just amazing and I'm glad for the difference you made in my life, and I only have to thanks you for the new shine you brought to my life.

Nobody will evey loves you the way I did, and dedicate all the infatuation I did to you, but I am sorry but you had your chance!

One day after the other.

Sat on my bed listening to a song and watching my life at my window, I can see that things ca cahnge ina blink of an eye.
Somethings seems to be eternal and you think you have found what you were looking for, till you realize its over.
I am not the kind of person who regret things of the past, but I wont feel sorry for the end, it was good while it last and I've learnt a lot in the past 5 months
I've grown up, I feel kind free, I'm not bounded to old values that I created to myself, now I deffinaly can do anything I want.

In my life things use to happen just in the right time, not after, nor before, always in the right time, and I know how all those changes acctually has changed me, I am still romantic and such a dreamer but I have my feet on the grownd and In the inseide Iam moving forward to another special moment of my life, and I am changing for good!

No good for me

The Corrs-

No Good For Me

I see a home in a quiet place
I see myself in a strong embrace
And I feel protection from the human race
It's not parental

But it's a fantasy, not a reality
And it's no good, no, no good for me, you have no idea

That I'm walking through the clouds
When you're looking at me
I'm feeling like a child
Vulnerability
I am shaking like a leaf if you move beside me
And you're all that I see
But it's no good for me

You have a home You have a home, in a quiet place
And someone else feels your strong embrace
She is protected and she needs no chase
And do you love her???

You're a mystery, you are the heart of intrigue
You're no good no no good for me
You have no idea
That I'm walking through the clouds
When you're looking at me
I'm feeling like a child
Vulnerability
I am shaking like a leaf if you move beside me
And you're all that I see
But it's no good for me
No it's no good for me, no good for me
It's a make-believe, you have no idea

That I'm walking through the clouds
When you're looking at me
I'm feeling like a child
Vulnerability
I am shaking like a leaf if you move close to me
And you're all that I see
But it's no good for me
Through the clouds
When you're looking at me
I'm feeling like a child
Vulnerability
I am shaking like a leaf if you move beside to me
And you're all that I see
But it's no good for me

Fade Out

Time to burn

It's time to change, and no matter what people say I made up my mind about my life and I will not stop till I touch the shy.I know it's dangerous to spread my wings and fly, but I have to try, I can't wait anymore, and I can't stand here for any longer, losers don't try for fear to fail, if I fail I still have a family and a home.
I have friends I can count on, I have a shelter in the rainy days or even in the snowy days and I have to face the very unknown instead of keep my foot on the ground dreaming and waiting for something I don't have.I am tired of envious people, so I'll keep then away, I had cleaned up my contact list, and I will only keep in touch with my real friends.I have a filter to my emails and calls, the junk are at the junk, I will not care anymore, if you want to cry, cry, if you want to complaint, make yourself at home, and if you don't get any answer, don't worry it doesn't meant you don't deserve, but you are not at my V.I.P. list.
I think everyone should have their own vip list, maybe a new email adress like me and some friends already have... is nice how you can always change your mobile number or msn adress, I also could try a new orkut and a new blog, no I don't need to change the blog, only VIP comes here.... hehehe
So I convoke my friends to join me at the journey of my life, there will be lots of obstacle, tears and sorrows, but lots of laughts, parties and special time with my very special people.

Take your ticket and grab a handbag, a coat and a neck-cloth, we can have some snowy days.

By the way

I am tired of people's complaints, I am tired of people that don't even movie their ass's from the chair and are willing for some change in their lives.
I have a dream and I pray for answer and energy to keep moving day by day.
I feel sad and lonely, empty and frustrated for plenty of reasons but I hate people that doesn't use misfortune as a reason to go on.
I am the same as I was yesterday I didn't change at all, I hate your misinterpretation of my words and the meaning of the things I am saying, I don't want to explain my mood, or why I don't talk to you, if you look inside of you, you will see why.
I know life is not a seventh heaven of delight but I can't handle anymore you playing dead every single day, look forward for a change, wake up for the reality, try to get a lover, forget the past, forget about the screen, listen some music, kiss some random girls, make love, even if it's just for pleasure, forget about happily ever after, cause we are so young to keep expecting the raconteur say the happy ending, cause this is only in walt disney stories.
If you think it's about you, think about it, but don't come to tell me what you think about it or about me, cause I don't give a fuck about it!
Live for yourself instead and do me a favour feed your empty head cause you drive me close to the edge.

The end of the beginnig

It's always the same history, in the biggning it feels like it's forever but in every declain words of eternal love there is a fear of a broken heart and tears in the end.
But it feels so good to have someone around, looking into each others eyes in silence, the thousand reasons to fights and millions ways to please, silly conversations, nicknames and promises.
Your perfume is still in my sueter and I still can feel you inside, even if you are not here.
I've lost myself in your eyes, is in you cologne that I numb myself and is underneath your clothes that I find myself.
I miss you!

Till it happen to you!

One day can change us forever, can turn us into something different, maybe a little more mature, maybe a little cold.
I don't feel the same as before, I don't dream like before except for the lifetime dream, but I am the same deep inside, with a feel changes.
I used to sit in the moonlight to write about fear, dreams, passions and ilusions like a teenager in love, maybe in love just for the moon, and I could spend hours and hours flying between I wish, I could and I don't know.
For some reason something has changed, changed for good, maybe something has changed in my life, or it's just me, I don't know!
In love? maybe Mature? I don't know!
But it's so funny how life can change in a minut, but you will only understand it when it happen to you!

The comet that takes me to your arms

I've been looking for this feeling for a really long time, when I can smell your perfume and see your face evertime I close my eyes.
When you look at me I can't help smile, your eyes and your touch take me to other space in this galaxy.
No more fears, no more thoughts I fell utterly free to be only me, this girl that only want to be loved, with a tender look you put me in your planet and we have the time to be just you and me, I couldn't listen to any other sound but the sound of your voice.
You are between yesterday and the new tomorrow, you discovered and you showed me who I really am, the woman behind the girl fears and virtue.
So today the only thing I ask is for the blue comet to bring you back to me, cause I miss you so.

Nobody's home

My mother has been giving me the greater part of her responsability, and I have been walking behind her fixing up everything her eyes can 't see and I forgot about my own life, I have been living her life, I ain't built anything for me in the past 5 years.The worst five years of my life, and when I look back I haven't done anything, I have only been roving around and anyone notice it ever.And I can't understand how can you think its not your obligation to helps me grown up, helps me framing the basis to succeed in life, she seems to like to have me around fixing up for her and when I ask for help the answer is always the same.Everytime I have got a new kind of weariness revealed tearing up in my inner and in my heart, today I can't stand the pain on my shoulders, I can't stand carrying the world on my back anymore.Any word I say can't make them see how tired I am, and how hard I need to get my life back, although I don't even want to try anymore, I will not waste my time and my latin to make them see, it's meaningless to try.I wish I could erase the dark side of my past that keeps haunting me in the silent days and the dark nights, I wish I could forget the moments I keep seeing when I close my eyes, that hurts me so bad.I try to hide from myself all the hurt I want to forget, but now and then they keep wishper in my ears things I thought I would never ever remember and now I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go.

When the phone doesn't ring anymore

I don't feel like talking cause you already know what I have to say.You pretend you don't understand me, but deep inside you know, you gave me all your responsability and now I can't handle it anymore.My words are cold, my look is sad and all I want is to be alone, no more complaning, no more opening my heart for you, I can't see you as I used to, I can't talk to you as I used to and I don't want.I wanted my space, my freedom and to be respected from you, but you stabbed me in the back is this something you enjoy.And if after 22 years you still don't know me, or if I can't make you see how I feel so bad with all the things you've done to me there is no more point of sharing the same ceiling with you at all.I don't feel like smiling or crying with you, I don't feel like sharing thoughts and plans cause you never supported me anyway, I don't feel like staying here anymore.For ten years no you have built a wall between us and now it's finally done, I can't look into your eyes anymore cause I am sick and tired of everything and I all I need is to get out of here.Sometimes I want to scream my lungs out to be noticed, to make you see I hate your disrespect for me but it's meaningless to fight for your sympathy.

To the moon and back

Dear I have been missing you, where have you been? 3 weeks is all I have to wait, but sometimes it seems to be so much.
You came when I needed to feel your spirit, when I was falling in despair.
Here are you now, only for me, to help me think, to help me sing.
I wish I could fly to where you are just to calm down and tell you all I have in my mind.
Today you look as marvelous as I like to see you, full and shining and it seems that If I jump I would touch it with my hands. I love this kind of days, clear sky, ful moon, and fresh air.
I wish I could do nothing at all, just lie on the grass and watch while the night pass through, the moon is the most beautiful thing, and everytime its full I can help remebering The Little Prince.
I wish I could write her a song, I wish I could feel her.
I have some thoughts running up in my mind, but the moon image speaks for its sefl and I don't need to say anything else!

In the corner of the 90's

I want the 90s back, when I have nothing but my life to live, I have the amaizng love songs from boy bands that I used to dream about, posters on the wall, lots of diferent pop cds of songs I can sing by my heart, the cute and older guy from the 8th grade that me and my friends use to talk about lower in the middle of the class, lunch with my girls and all the teenagers of the school, flirting and smiling between juice and biology class.
My heart beating fast when my best friend was talking to the guy I was flirting for weeks, asking him if I had any chance with him, two steps of a heart attach when she said he wanted to hook up with me after the school which was a eternity to end, and dying when we met in the school wall, it used to be the best kiss everytime cause the guy of the moment always was a real special guy till the day he was kissing other girl.
Afternoon in the school square afters skip classes to talk or go back home, spend hours on the phone chating with friends about boy bands and our really conplicated life, when I wanted to have a piercing and a tattoo, but mom doesn't allowed till I get 18.When I felt in love thousand times and got my heart broken other million more but I always had great friend around and a new love song to cry with, beside the other boys to love in the following weeks.
Feel so empty when there was a new cd released and my mom promised to give it to me in my birthday or christmas, whole afternoon listening a new cd, or wacthing the same new video in the VCR, dancing the same Britney Spears moves for hours and hours like it was the most important thing in the world, I also remember begging to my mom for a satellite tv to watch the spanish mtv and pledgeding mysefl to behave and study for good marks at school, hours translating english songs and studying it in my room.
Vacations in my aunts house, laughing till we lose or breath, playing with our barbies, talking till 3am, watching scary movies at night, Time in my life when I didn't have worry about any career cause I was just a teenager and I was living just a life I wanted to live, when I didn't have to care about anything just my "big" private problems.
For to be honest If I could I would go back to that years, the 90's between my 13's and 16's when the problem of the world was a problem of the world and I was too busy taking care of my own troubles and learning by heart all the new N'sync's new album lyrics.
Good times I miss, good times I can see sparking right in front of me, good times I wish I could live again, good times I wish to never end.

Still Standing

This is the time for songs of broken heart, it's time to sleeepless nights and songs that reminds me of you.
I know I should cry but my hearts says it's better to be stronger,
I promised to keep my heart opened for you,
I know you can't wait for me forever.
I promised to save myself just for you
I wish I could be with you,
I promised you the rose
I wish I could change my destiny,
I promised to make your wishes come true
I wish I could turn back time and make everything so different, but maybe that's how is was meant to be.
I promised to keep the door opened just for you
I know we could be together.... but you are not here.
I promised not to cry anymore but speaking about it I can't contain the tears
I thought you would wait, I`ve been standing on the borderline
But I still love you even if now I will be alone picturing you and me
And I promise to keep my heart broken from you till the day you come back!

Forever and after my love!

Dreaming back again

I've lost my dream somewhere between the new air of an old town and the songs I haven't heard for a week, it was when I thought I could consent to live this life once again, I wasn't dreaming at all, I was living like everybody else around me, following the leads destiny has give, looking for serene days in the middle of this jungle, blind for good.Now that I am back to my own bed I can see how vulnerable I was, denying my dreams and closing my eyes to all the walls I had built, ilusions, destructions, lies and my broken heart.I can't give up right now, I know I am good enough for this, now is time to renew my plans, time to look forward and forget about sins and disillusion.I still have clear in my eyes his blue eyes and a lovely smile, my friends that I know I can count on, the voice in my ear and the spiritual release to live with no fear.I am dreaming back again and I am planing once more, packing my bags to sail away, far too long where I know I can forget about the worst I've lived and for a new begining.

The sun rise in the horizon!

I opened my eyes and I can see the sun.. shining shy, everything looks yellow like gold, and I can smell the fresh air of a new day, I am covered by my blankets, warm and safe, my socks on my feet shows me I am still the same, even if life seems to be worst than ever, outside I cannot see any problem, I cannot see anything wrong, maybe is just the sun shinning and covering the shadows of misery and weakness, but I just can feel asafe here.
Your photo is still in the portrait and the letter still on the table, some white papers and colorfull pens shows me I need to slowdown, focus in a song and let my thoughts get out for a freedom world.
I also need to sing out loud, sing my lungs out, take a deep breath and open my eyes... meditation?? yes i do...
Me, my bed, my favorite songs, and a peace of paper, that always take the sorrow away from me, they can wound the scars, they can heal my soul. I know right now I need some more, but meanwhile I will enjoy the view, the view that is right in front of me.
I know I have lots of things to fix, I know I need make some plans for the day, but why should I care right now?
this moment will pass away, the troubles are the same now, in one hours, next morning, but this special time, the now, is now....
If the phone ring I can miss the call, if the door bell rings, the postman will drop the letter in the box, If my mom ask me something I can do later, but the morning fresh air inside my pours, no.. I can't turn my face and just walk away. I can't lose it now.

He is gone!!!

Yesterday i sent a email to Martin and the emails got returned... nice...
He is gone now... I hope it's forever, but I hate stories with this kind of end... I don't know if he was a real person or just a dream... and if he was a dream, he was somekind of nightmare.
Whatever, I will work myself to stop care... I need to, I have to think a little more about me, fuck everybody else, fuck the world!
I also don't want to make friends, I already have enough, I have all the special friend I could, they are enough for a lifetime.
I am tired of selfish people just hanging around cause i am too slow and too nice... i will not be as nice as i was... I will point all the things I hate about them without even care, heartless, rude and tough! and I meant it!
And now he is gone and lots of useless friends will be gone too, no more hours of stupid stories, no more excuses, no more emtpy smiles and fake happiness.
I have the perfect friends that I know I can count on, people I don't need to beg for attention, people that start a conversation, friends who really want to know how I am.
Sometimes is better to be alone, and this is how it will be from now on, I am really tired of all this.
He is gone forver, you are gone, and there's no more "WE", now it's just me, and my friend know they are special, cause I am always around and I will always be, they know where to find me.
So now, he is gone!