Don't dream is over

For sometime I've lost myself in this big world.
I've lost myself in despair of finding something I have missed somewhere, this thing I don't even know what is.
I've lost my funny way to keep me alive in every morning after cold nights and I've lost myself in this cold room and I've been weak enough to sucumb my wishes and thoughts, but I knew that I needed to go back to the old dexterousness of happines and fascination for the silence.
This is when a tinkerbell cames straight from the magic full moon to open up my eyes and wake me up of this nightmare I was living to show me that I still have reasons to keep trying and keep believing in the same life I used to, cause my life was much better than what they live and tried to make me believe that life means.

She looked me in the eyes with those deep blue eyes and told me all the old stories we used to like, she just dig me inside the heart and showed me dreams I used to have and forgot 'cause they told me that they were just childish and that I was to old for that.
She also taught that I don't need to stop dreaming and I promissed her I will never let myself fall again, cause she gave me the strenght I needed to keep going, and I know she is just somewhere looking after me.

Leave me alone!

I don't need anyone judging me, I don't care about what you say about me.
I don't need anyone joking about my defeats and criticizing me, I live my own life.
I don't need friends to be with me only in good moments nor all the time, stop following me around.
I'm so tired of all this pressure and sufocated people around me, I'm tired of pretende happiness cause they can't handle the silence.
I don't need anyone trying to change me, I don't care about what you like or want me appreciate. I used to think I was too cold and reserved and I tried to open myself more, but it end up with people using my defeats and failure agains me. And I can't have a bad day, 'cause I am always the wrong one, the rude one, so It's better to be the way I am, I tried to be like all the people but I can't handle the pressure.
I don't want to care about how they see me, I got the right to be wrong.
Don't think I need you all the time, cause I can take care of my own.
I don't need nonstop talking people, cause words can hurt more than a gun shoot and I already got my wound to heal, so tears will never fall again, cause I've learned and now I know exactly what I need, 'cause life was much better before.

Somethins are better left unsaid.

I feel lonely nowadays, but not lonely like not having friends or people who cares, I am not lonely I just feel the loneliness.
I feel there's something missing inside of me, something I don't know exactly what is.
But somehow this is not a bad thing, cause I appreciate the silence, I like to be alone just to hear what my heart says, to learn more about my own and hear what God has to teach me.
Some people can't appreciate it as it was a good thing, and mostly think it's a sad thing to be all alone in the silence, but I don't understand or agree, I think they have too much to learn as well, but if there's something I don't appreciate is the whole non-sense and emptiness conversations, it's better to be quiet than say something stupid.
Somehow the silence doesn't seems to be able to bring me what I'm missing, so perhaps I should go out and look up for this, even If I turn the risk of founding what I am dying not to find that's when I feel like not leaving my warm walls.
Maybe I should let myself go through the monsoon and wait till what is mine to come to me.

My Mint Days

It took me so much to write this post cause the word just run out of my head the last days cause I never thought I could have such amazing moments in my whole life, but I did.

My best friend came to see me in my birth day and it was magic, cause we used to be always so far, just imaginig this moment, and living it was like a dream come true.We laugh, we sang together, had our Michael Jackson moment, well, I have all those wonderfull moments in my head forever the exactly time our friendship will last and I miss her so much and all our simple moments of fun and happiness.And I miss the smell of her hair, and the color of her polish nails, her voice and her teeth brush in the bathroom.

I wish she was here all the time with me, I wish she was my girl next door, so I could call her to come my house to watch movies and we could have our mint tea night.We have had so much fun and now I know that our friendship is better and bigger than it was before, cause I know we can talk about anything and everything and this time just showed me that she is like me more than most of the people that I know.And I knew that I didn't need anything else, nor presents, nor celebrations full of friends, no I didnt need it all, cause I have had it, and still there was something missing, till my 25th birthday.

And I thank God to give me not only a best friend but a sister and the best days of my life.