Why do I always rush things? Why can´t I slow down just once in my life and let the fate do all that needs to be done?

I have this stupid feeling I can do things, I can make it happen, I can deal with this or that.... Gosh I am tired of being so unpaciente and so desperated to see things happen even if I know I will get very frustrated when nothing go the way i wanted.

The more I run, the farest it gets, and I should learn, It wont be soon before long, those words should be tattoed in my mind so I could never forget.

The vacation

After a long time of thoughts, dreams and wishes I will get myself a little vacation time, lately nothing interesting have happend in my life, but as soon as something change i will come back.
I think I just need sometime to clean up my mind, see what is worth and what is not, what I want and what I will throw away.

And meanwhile I have many tasks

• Get a better job
• Lose some weight
• Meet some new friends
• Start nursery school
• Get a boyfriend
• Take care of my health
• Buy clothes, shoes and jewery
• Buy some new cds
• And plan the christmas and reveillon

But I promise not just come back in 2008, soon something nice will happen, till then..

Arrivederte

Marron 5 - Wake up call

The Night! (is over)

...

Its just me and you, doubts and wish

I've tried but it makes no diference how hard it was, no results were found.
I dont want to be with you just like this and you dont want more than this, so its time to give time to time.
Right now I'm still numb for the way you love me and for the words you said, I know we are in diferente places right now, but I still thought we could find to us.
Once again I wish things was diferent, but as I know I cant control anything as i wish i could, cause its real world, there is no magic wand or curses, but its ok, sooner or later you will be so yesterday, or we can see each other once again...

The worst of going out with someone else is the very begining, but this is how life is suposed to be.



Muse - starlight

The start

http://sieluni.blogspot.com/2007_04_01_archive.html

A confession

Its getting dificicult for me to be patient with him cause he's always so busy, and after anyone turn to me and say, this is male excuse when they are trying to dump us, let me say, before I go to Brasilia he said its not any excuse, he was actually busy, but now i am getting tired to wait.

Are you wondering, why do I believe in him, well cause I like him, and this is what we fool girls do, but somehow i make my life move, i still flirt cause I am a human being and I am tired of being alone.
I am not desperate, but if he cant find time for us, I can find someone who can, and this is something I really can do.

I do like him a lot, and I really mean this, but as I said before I am tired of being alone, and I know i am not asking to much, cause I only have saturday night and sunday avaliable, so where the reck is him when i most need?

Am I asking to much? Should I give us a new chance?
Am I being selfish? Am I complicating things?^
If someone find the answer, let me know...

Speaking my heart

He is so busy with all his wishes that finally came true after so long time, that I dont know what will happen to us.
He is lovely, and he knows some of my deppest secrets, and I think that he doesnt even know, maybe because I didnt say, maybe because I didnt show.
All I know is that I wish the kiss turn to something in the heart, but i dont really know, but I really hope.

Everytime you're in my head, and all those moments comes and goes, the song dont goes out of my mind, and even if I dont believe in magic, when you are with me it seens like magic, its hard not to give in, I feel lost, but found in your arms, It's hard to tell where you end and I begin.

You dont own my heart, just because I dont know if you deserve such thing, but deep inside, I wish you could be more than just a friend, I like you voice, and atitude, I apreciate your touch and all you stanima, you could fit in prince charming position if I believed in fairy tales.

I've become a bit sentimental, maybe after all i have been through or maybe its just a part of me I have forget for sometime while I was chasing dreams and changes.

...i dont know.

Notes from the heart

I dont know if its the fact I am all alone in another city, hating everything I can makes me a lonely heart nowadays.
Maybe is just because I have noone to count oh now that I am here in brasilia, but seriously there is something going on in my heart, I miss him a lot, sometimes i catch myself looking through my mind reminding old and good moments we have together.
Even if we dont stick together, he knows he is special, and I like being around him.

The way he looks at me, the sound of his voice, the smell, the taste, the kiss, the touch of his hands, well everything.

I hope I go back home soon, cause besides my family and friends I miss him!

Just couple weeks and I am gone

Unfortunally I realized now that au pair in brazil has not the same value than in Europe or U.S. this is whyI give up being one in my land.
Its sad that I feel so much descriminated in my own land, this is so unfair, the families dont see your value and they do not respect, cause take care of a new born baby is not an easy task, it requires lots of attention, care, hability and loads of love and after give a lot of me hear what i have heard kills all the afecttion I could ever create for this family I have planned to live with for one year, but those 365 days become 30 days only.

I know i can have it so much better cause I deserve it better.
I am going back home in couple weeks for good, with my heart full of hopes and good experiences to share when it comes to taking care of a new born baby.

Not what I expected

Nothing was like I expected and not that i am asking too much.

All I can say is that I finally decided to do my nursery course and go back home soon.

So hard to stay, too hard to leave it

Gol Flight 1204

I have less than 12 hours in this city, I didnt look for the things like it was the last time, but somehow i know its the last time.

I will miss my family a lot, but I know that these changes are for good, my life needs this chance and i have been willing for this moment.

I am trying to control myself, but I already have eaten some chocolate and stuff, but my bag is filled and my heart if beating so fast.

Dreams seems to be very close, friends are all around, and I dont even know if I will be able to sleep tonight, but its ok.

Well i am a bit confused, dont know what to think, or say, or write so.....

Bye

Walking alone

The start of the new path

This is my last week in sao paulo, I am very excited about all the changes that is coming on my way, all the dificulties, the joys and sorrows, but I am know I can deal with all that, cause I have been through so many this last years of my life that I can only see the good part of the new life.

I will start all over again, the friends, the hobbies, I will feel new smells, new atmosphere, new sorrows, new perspective of my life.

To be continued... (from brasilia)

Winter in a tropical land

Winter is coming after all the warnings that with such global warming we would have the most warm year ever, and I thank God cause the summer was very hot I should say.
I was very afraid of having the whole warm weather again just like last year, cause there is lots of good things to do in winter cold time.
Tea is very relaxing while reading a nice book and looking the gray at the window, and I like when everything is gray, its when i can slowdown and think straight, and right now all i need is some calm time in my life!

I hope there is still a chance of changing the whole global warming and I hope we have winter time this year!

Getting more of life

Faith lies ahead

Life is funny, cause when you least expect things can suddenly change, and all you wish to happen, just happen.
Somethings i wanted the most are basically in the way, and I am just willing to live it and loving to experience what i am already living, the surprises, the unknown, the diference, the fun, the joy and the sorrow.

Further informations.... wait for more instructions....

The Night!

It's just me and you and our dirty minds

It was a great time, something i needed for so long,

The time was great, you were wonderfull

I was free to just move myself through the music.

The moon was just amazing to match with the air inside the room,

Where nothing else moves besides you and me.

I like your way to stare at me.

I like your hand in mine and i want this moments to last forever.

No strings attached, no explanations to make, just close the door and forget the world.

For tonight i am all your, so we should go with the flow

With you i am only me, with no masks and no pretending

You make me feel alive and took all the fears of me.

Keep me coming back every night,

Cause it feels alright...

To be continued

Broken the barricades

I always wanted to set myself free of some old habbits of mine

I know who I am, and what I am able to do, but there was lots of things I wanted to do, but never been brave enough to just do, I have always been too judgmental with myself, deprivingmyself to just have more to tell in the future.

I have been hiding myself behind the good girl image that my family have created to myself only because I was shy, and I only needed to germinate and become who I acctually am.

But i like the new dimension i am making in my life, I am doing things I wanted without the fear of how would my family react, or if I would need to explain the facts.

I am taking baby steps but I am just me, with desires, fears, wishes, fantasies, joys and sorrows, i go whenever i want, I do whatever I want, with whoever I want.

"We will never gonna suvive, unless we get a little crazy"

Life!

I can hear the wishper inside of me

I miss lots of things, things i used to have and things i never had.

I miss lots of people, the ones i uesd to hear, the ones whom listen to me.

I feel lonely in this big road called life, sometimes i am lost, sometimes I feel strong, I am confused, I am hopeless, I want to go, I want to sit and wait, I want to try, I want to write but I cant find the corner of my thoughts, I cant find the goldem box where I used to hide me.

Maybe I have became a oyster with such hard shell.

I dont want to be like those cold people who get locked in the shell afraid of seeing the world, only complaining about the world, and their boring lifes, but sometimes i find myself lied in the sofa stucked in the thousand thoughts that goes up and down in my head, plans, wishes and dreams and i am still there, lied like I was dead.

You don't know me

Do you know who is your friend?

Do you know who you can really trust?

Look who is alone now, it's not me, it's not me

Take your vain personality away from me.

You think you know it all, but you dont.

Take your perfect person away from me.

I hate your stupid jokes about MY feelings.

You think you know me and you thought I was lying to give some different impression of me, but you only believed in the dream you created on your own, cause I am not part of anything of this.

You became entangled in contradictions when you talk about feelings and trust, cause in the inside you don't even know yourself.

I'm different of what you think and my life dont revolves around you and it never does, cause I dont know you and now I dont want to.

Take your life and live it, try to look inside and figure why you are so lonely and life is so boring and stop creating fantasies you are the only who believes.

He is the one

Ii's funny the conection you can have with someone, I dont need to say a word cause he can understand me.
Only a look into the other's eye and everything has been said, and that exaclty what I feel for him.
We can chat a bunch, we laugh together, I cant be mad at him for more than 2 minuts and half, he speaks his heart to me and I do the same, I miss him a lot when he is not around, and I want to have him every single second next to me whenever I can, he can see right through me.
We share thoughts, we share hobbies, we play together and I dont know what would I do without him, and he will be the person I will miss the most when I move from here.
He is and always will be the most important person in my life, cause I love him more than I love anyone else and even more than I have ever loved.
I would give my life for him and I can see a whole diferent meaning in my life since he came into it.
The love I have for him is more than any other love I have had and he knows it cause I do anything and everything for him since always, but the most funny thing is that he is only 11 years old!
Little big brother, I love you!

I'm tired, but I can wait!

My mom is driving me crazy, she started all back again, annoying me for nothing, and now I only have a glimpse of calm cause I feel like some change, and I am trying to keep myself sane only for this.
I have been throught lots of things lately, I met a special guy, and I got my heartbroken, I cried for him, but I stood up, I thought I have found the real love, now he is gone.
I found some good thing and bad too, and I think its enough for me.
I am discovering myself, I am loving all the changes but as always I have only lived and learnt everything on my own.

And I got used to it, I dont need anyone on my back looking after me (but if is a really guy, he can look after me!), if I want anything I have to go on my own, and I like it better. If I want to go or come, its only up to me and it made me stronger, even if sometimes the only thing I want is ride myself from the world.

I will get over it all, and I feel some change, I am looking forward for it.

A girl's heart

I dont regret the end and I dont even want to come back to him but I know how I commited to that relationship , I put my heart and energy and soul on it.

But in the end I moved on, moved along to another stage of my life, all the moments we had was just amazing and I'm glad for the difference you made in my life, and I only have to thanks you for the new shine you brought to my life.

Nobody will evey loves you the way I did, and dedicate all the infatuation I did to you, but I am sorry but you had your chance!

One day after the other.

Sat on my bed listening to a song and watching my life at my window, I can see that things ca cahnge ina blink of an eye.
Somethings seems to be eternal and you think you have found what you were looking for, till you realize its over.
I am not the kind of person who regret things of the past, but I wont feel sorry for the end, it was good while it last and I've learnt a lot in the past 5 months
I've grown up, I feel kind free, I'm not bounded to old values that I created to myself, now I deffinaly can do anything I want.

In my life things use to happen just in the right time, not after, nor before, always in the right time, and I know how all those changes acctually has changed me, I am still romantic and such a dreamer but I have my feet on the grownd and In the inseide Iam moving forward to another special moment of my life, and I am changing for good!

No good for me

The Corrs-

No Good For Me

I see a home in a quiet place
I see myself in a strong embrace
And I feel protection from the human race
It's not parental

But it's a fantasy, not a reality
And it's no good, no, no good for me, you have no idea

That I'm walking through the clouds
When you're looking at me
I'm feeling like a child
Vulnerability
I am shaking like a leaf if you move beside me
And you're all that I see
But it's no good for me

You have a home You have a home, in a quiet place
And someone else feels your strong embrace
She is protected and she needs no chase
And do you love her???

You're a mystery, you are the heart of intrigue
You're no good no no good for me
You have no idea
That I'm walking through the clouds
When you're looking at me
I'm feeling like a child
Vulnerability
I am shaking like a leaf if you move beside me
And you're all that I see
But it's no good for me
No it's no good for me, no good for me
It's a make-believe, you have no idea

That I'm walking through the clouds
When you're looking at me
I'm feeling like a child
Vulnerability
I am shaking like a leaf if you move close to me
And you're all that I see
But it's no good for me
Through the clouds
When you're looking at me
I'm feeling like a child
Vulnerability
I am shaking like a leaf if you move beside to me
And you're all that I see
But it's no good for me

Fade Out