Follow the butterflies

When the year finally came smiling at me...

It feels like this years has just started right now, when I finally found a place to my head, now that I can see ahead and smell possibilities for something else, for a change, the different perspective of my future, now I see I can do what I always wanted and I hope everything just go in the right way cause this is my last chance, not that last, but I can't loose this opportunity to make a change.

Never mind if I'm just repeating myself, my mind is kind stucked in this view full of colors and butterflies flying in front of me guiding me through the rainbow path, not considering some things of the past, cause the last year I felt the most deep loneliness and I don't want to feel it anymore, so I can only think and wish everything NEW, and nothing more.

Stay tunned cause it's coming... [hehe]

Two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes, the way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's ok
I'm finally now believing

Maybe it's true that I can't live without you
Well maybe two is better than one
There's so much time to figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure out with all is said and done
And two is better than one
......
Two is better than one

Stop my head!

I know I need to stop my head and put out all my thoughts, fears and self conflits on the paper to do not have they walking by my side, but I feel so lady for this.
I feel like I need to stop in a silent place and make all the waves of thoughts come to the shore so I can drawn it on the sand, maybe I can build a castle or just a little house.
I only know I miss somethings, somebody, some feelings, some moments, some affection and sometimes it seems I'm not going to find it and so on I'll not find myself in paper and pen in hand writting about all the things of inside of me.

Give me the silence, give me the moment and I will successed!



Hanson - Blue Sky

I'm done!

I'm so tired of it all, cause it's always the same.

I can't handle it anymore and it's not the first or the second time I said it.
Lately I've been strong enough to deal with my problems and the criticizes but when they do it because of me with someone I love, it kills me deep inside.

He is the only one who ever understood me in the middle of this mess...

The only thing I want now it to be somewhere else in this world cause I am too tired to keep living this life, I don't want to wait anymore, I don't want to listen to them anymore...

I wish heaven takes me to a place where I only can see the clear water and the green grass and loneliness never sees me again.

Can someone hear me?!

Where is your heart?

I need somebody with a human touch!

No matter what you say it's always the same for me, all your words seems so meaningless and I don't see anything at all besides your empty words, and I swear I'm always trying hard to see through yourself but I can't.

No matter what you say, I need more than words, cause I don't see any interesting inside of you, well I can't see anything inside of you and it kills me cause I need much more, but I know that I have to go out and look in somewhere else for the missing piece.

I'm tired of trying, waiting and wanting...

Jai perdu mes repères
Je nage en eau trouble
Emmène-moi aussi loin que possible
Les paysages défilent et la brume se dissipe
Grâce à toi à nouveau je respire

two thousand and ten expectations!

This is exactly what I have for this new year that stands just in front of me right now. I have to admite that last year was hard, I spent a really long time of meaningless times, trying to find my own peace of mine, but also have had amazing moments of joy and happines with a special guest in my real life.

I was expecting something to chance even if I wasn't believing in it. But at the end of all my unfaithfull journey I found muself into a new life.
Now I see the diference between yesterday and today.

And today is a better day, I can see shinnig light upon the sky, I can see changes ahead and two thousand and ten expectations.

Don't dream is over

For sometime I've lost myself in this big world.
I've lost myself in despair of finding something I have missed somewhere, this thing I don't even know what is.
I've lost my funny way to keep me alive in every morning after cold nights and I've lost myself in this cold room and I've been weak enough to sucumb my wishes and thoughts, but I knew that I needed to go back to the old dexterousness of happines and fascination for the silence.
This is when a tinkerbell cames straight from the magic full moon to open up my eyes and wake me up of this nightmare I was living to show me that I still have reasons to keep trying and keep believing in the same life I used to, cause my life was much better than what they live and tried to make me believe that life means.

She looked me in the eyes with those deep blue eyes and told me all the old stories we used to like, she just dig me inside the heart and showed me dreams I used to have and forgot 'cause they told me that they were just childish and that I was to old for that.
She also taught that I don't need to stop dreaming and I promissed her I will never let myself fall again, cause she gave me the strenght I needed to keep going, and I know she is just somewhere looking after me.

Leave me alone!

I don't need anyone judging me, I don't care about what you say about me.
I don't need anyone joking about my defeats and criticizing me, I live my own life.
I don't need friends to be with me only in good moments nor all the time, stop following me around.
I'm so tired of all this pressure and sufocated people around me, I'm tired of pretende happiness cause they can't handle the silence.
I don't need anyone trying to change me, I don't care about what you like or want me appreciate. I used to think I was too cold and reserved and I tried to open myself more, but it end up with people using my defeats and failure agains me. And I can't have a bad day, 'cause I am always the wrong one, the rude one, so It's better to be the way I am, I tried to be like all the people but I can't handle the pressure.
I don't want to care about how they see me, I got the right to be wrong.
Don't think I need you all the time, cause I can take care of my own.
I don't need nonstop talking people, cause words can hurt more than a gun shoot and I already got my wound to heal, so tears will never fall again, cause I've learned and now I know exactly what I need, 'cause life was much better before.

Somethins are better left unsaid.

I feel lonely nowadays, but not lonely like not having friends or people who cares, I am not lonely I just feel the loneliness.
I feel there's something missing inside of me, something I don't know exactly what is.
But somehow this is not a bad thing, cause I appreciate the silence, I like to be alone just to hear what my heart says, to learn more about my own and hear what God has to teach me.
Some people can't appreciate it as it was a good thing, and mostly think it's a sad thing to be all alone in the silence, but I don't understand or agree, I think they have too much to learn as well, but if there's something I don't appreciate is the whole non-sense and emptiness conversations, it's better to be quiet than say something stupid.
Somehow the silence doesn't seems to be able to bring me what I'm missing, so perhaps I should go out and look up for this, even If I turn the risk of founding what I am dying not to find that's when I feel like not leaving my warm walls.
Maybe I should let myself go through the monsoon and wait till what is mine to come to me.

My Mint Days

It took me so much to write this post cause the word just run out of my head the last days cause I never thought I could have such amazing moments in my whole life, but I did.

My best friend came to see me in my birth day and it was magic, cause we used to be always so far, just imaginig this moment, and living it was like a dream come true.We laugh, we sang together, had our Michael Jackson moment, well, I have all those wonderfull moments in my head forever the exactly time our friendship will last and I miss her so much and all our simple moments of fun and happiness.And I miss the smell of her hair, and the color of her polish nails, her voice and her teeth brush in the bathroom.

I wish she was here all the time with me, I wish she was my girl next door, so I could call her to come my house to watch movies and we could have our mint tea night.We have had so much fun and now I know that our friendship is better and bigger than it was before, cause I know we can talk about anything and everything and this time just showed me that she is like me more than most of the people that I know.And I knew that I didn't need anything else, nor presents, nor celebrations full of friends, no I didnt need it all, cause I have had it, and still there was something missing, till my 25th birthday.

And I thank God to give me not only a best friend but a sister and the best days of my life.

Why do I always rush things? Why can´t I slow down just once in my life and let the fate do all that needs to be done?

I have this stupid feeling I can do things, I can make it happen, I can deal with this or that.... Gosh I am tired of being so unpaciente and so desperated to see things happen even if I know I will get very frustrated when nothing go the way i wanted.

The more I run, the farest it gets, and I should learn, It wont be soon before long, those words should be tattoed in my mind so I could never forget.

The vacation

After a long time of thoughts, dreams and wishes I will get myself a little vacation time, lately nothing interesting have happend in my life, but as soon as something change i will come back.
I think I just need sometime to clean up my mind, see what is worth and what is not, what I want and what I will throw away.

And meanwhile I have many tasks

• Get a better job
• Lose some weight
• Meet some new friends
• Start nursery school
• Get a boyfriend
• Take care of my health
• Buy clothes, shoes and jewery
• Buy some new cds
• And plan the christmas and reveillon

But I promise not just come back in 2008, soon something nice will happen, till then..

Arrivederte

Marron 5 - Wake up call

The Night! (is over)

...

Its just me and you, doubts and wish

I've tried but it makes no diference how hard it was, no results were found.
I dont want to be with you just like this and you dont want more than this, so its time to give time to time.
Right now I'm still numb for the way you love me and for the words you said, I know we are in diferente places right now, but I still thought we could find to us.
Once again I wish things was diferent, but as I know I cant control anything as i wish i could, cause its real world, there is no magic wand or curses, but its ok, sooner or later you will be so yesterday, or we can see each other once again...

The worst of going out with someone else is the very begining, but this is how life is suposed to be.



Muse - starlight

The start

http://sieluni.blogspot.com/2007_04_01_archive.html

A confession

Its getting dificicult for me to be patient with him cause he's always so busy, and after anyone turn to me and say, this is male excuse when they are trying to dump us, let me say, before I go to Brasilia he said its not any excuse, he was actually busy, but now i am getting tired to wait.

Are you wondering, why do I believe in him, well cause I like him, and this is what we fool girls do, but somehow i make my life move, i still flirt cause I am a human being and I am tired of being alone.
I am not desperate, but if he cant find time for us, I can find someone who can, and this is something I really can do.

I do like him a lot, and I really mean this, but as I said before I am tired of being alone, and I know i am not asking to much, cause I only have saturday night and sunday avaliable, so where the reck is him when i most need?

Am I asking to much? Should I give us a new chance?
Am I being selfish? Am I complicating things?^
If someone find the answer, let me know...

Speaking my heart

He is so busy with all his wishes that finally came true after so long time, that I dont know what will happen to us.
He is lovely, and he knows some of my deppest secrets, and I think that he doesnt even know, maybe because I didnt say, maybe because I didnt show.
All I know is that I wish the kiss turn to something in the heart, but i dont really know, but I really hope.

Everytime you're in my head, and all those moments comes and goes, the song dont goes out of my mind, and even if I dont believe in magic, when you are with me it seens like magic, its hard not to give in, I feel lost, but found in your arms, It's hard to tell where you end and I begin.

You dont own my heart, just because I dont know if you deserve such thing, but deep inside, I wish you could be more than just a friend, I like you voice, and atitude, I apreciate your touch and all you stanima, you could fit in prince charming position if I believed in fairy tales.

I've become a bit sentimental, maybe after all i have been through or maybe its just a part of me I have forget for sometime while I was chasing dreams and changes.

...i dont know.

Notes from the heart

I dont know if its the fact I am all alone in another city, hating everything I can makes me a lonely heart nowadays.
Maybe is just because I have noone to count oh now that I am here in brasilia, but seriously there is something going on in my heart, I miss him a lot, sometimes i catch myself looking through my mind reminding old and good moments we have together.
Even if we dont stick together, he knows he is special, and I like being around him.

The way he looks at me, the sound of his voice, the smell, the taste, the kiss, the touch of his hands, well everything.

I hope I go back home soon, cause besides my family and friends I miss him!

Just couple weeks and I am gone

Unfortunally I realized now that au pair in brazil has not the same value than in Europe or U.S. this is whyI give up being one in my land.
Its sad that I feel so much descriminated in my own land, this is so unfair, the families dont see your value and they do not respect, cause take care of a new born baby is not an easy task, it requires lots of attention, care, hability and loads of love and after give a lot of me hear what i have heard kills all the afecttion I could ever create for this family I have planned to live with for one year, but those 365 days become 30 days only.

I know i can have it so much better cause I deserve it better.
I am going back home in couple weeks for good, with my heart full of hopes and good experiences to share when it comes to taking care of a new born baby.

Not what I expected

Nothing was like I expected and not that i am asking too much.

All I can say is that I finally decided to do my nursery course and go back home soon.

So hard to stay, too hard to leave it

Gol Flight 1204

I have less than 12 hours in this city, I didnt look for the things like it was the last time, but somehow i know its the last time.

I will miss my family a lot, but I know that these changes are for good, my life needs this chance and i have been willing for this moment.

I am trying to control myself, but I already have eaten some chocolate and stuff, but my bag is filled and my heart if beating so fast.

Dreams seems to be very close, friends are all around, and I dont even know if I will be able to sleep tonight, but its ok.

Well i am a bit confused, dont know what to think, or say, or write so.....

Bye

Walking alone

The start of the new path

This is my last week in sao paulo, I am very excited about all the changes that is coming on my way, all the dificulties, the joys and sorrows, but I am know I can deal with all that, cause I have been through so many this last years of my life that I can only see the good part of the new life.

I will start all over again, the friends, the hobbies, I will feel new smells, new atmosphere, new sorrows, new perspective of my life.

To be continued... (from brasilia)