Creed of my silent suffocation

In cotton trousers, white shirt and my pink socks I lay down in my bed and listen all my cds the whole day.
From Hanson to system of a down, drowned in the verses, feeling the drums in my head, the guittars and the sentimental lyrics of songs about broken heart and despair, singing along, out loud without even care about who is standing next to me.
Lately I`ve been feeling cold, I don`t feel like talking or thinking, I want to be alone in my room, imaging my future, and the only words that comes out of my mouth is the chorus of my favorite songs.
Some old cds like hanson makes more sense to me nowadays cause now I can understand the what they say as better as I used to, I remember how frustrated I used to feel for not understanding what did they say in their songs.
I am feeling as dark as rasmus songs, I feel lost and despair, I wake up in the middle of the night I lose the sleep, I woke up with somethings in my mind, so I wrote them in my diary, but I couldn`t get back to sleep, there`s something blocking me to be myself again, and I don`t know what it is and how to fight against.
I can`t talk about my feeling with anyone but my real friends, people I feel confortable with, people that had felt like this and knows how to help me for good.
I was reading some old post of Sofy`s blog and it makes me feel nice, it`s like being next to her, cause I do miss her! I also miss Sonia my big sister, and I can`t hardly wait to hear Inna singing the songs to make me feel calm.
I want to see everything white around me, I want to smell a new aroma, I want to see new faces, I want to live a new and differen kind of life, feel no more, feel no less.

You are loved!

I am with you !

I know it's dark, I know you don't feel right, I know want some space, I know you are closed, I know i am annoying sometimes, but I don't like to see you sad, I don't want you to be quite, I like your silly jokes, you laughing.
I want to be there to hold you tight, look into your eyes and don't say a word, I want you in my blankets, I want you in my skin and you don't have to say anything, just look at me, just breath on me, just touch me, just love me.

Kill the light

The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart

I feel I have something to say but the words don't come out, sometimes everything makes me crazy, lately I´ve been in my room, in the dark, just trying to empty my mind.
The dream is still clear in my dreams, the lifetime ahead me, I am still desiring you, I still have your picture in my nighttable, the song reminds me you.
Everything makes me want to be there, feel the cold wind in my face and smile... In you I want to find myself, I want to let myself fly away... the verses is repeating in my head over and over again, I can't forget your face.

Sail away, it's time to leave
Rainy days, are yours to keep
Fade away, the night is calling my name
You will stay, i'll sail away

Wishfull Thinking!

I am feeling alone surounded by so many people, I am disconected, I am sad, I am depressed, I am not feeling well. I can fall in love with you cause I am felling so lonely, I can marry you if you really want. I was looking for a river of peace, I am looking for my own, but I am also looking for you!
My heart is in peaces that I gave so many people, and now I don't know who I love the most, I want to go, i want to stay, I want to give up. I don't want to plan, I want to sleep, I just want to live in my own world, the only place I can be me, unperfect, silly, stupi, happy, crier, in love, needing.
My world where I can find myself crying, where i can talk to my own, I can hear my agony, I can hear myself, I can hear the world, I also can stop the world. I want to touch the sky, I want to cry so bad, but i want to be happy.
Do i really need this to be happy? I think I can be happy living in suburb, in a simple house, with an average job, cause I don't need money, I don't want to be rich or famous, I want someone to love till the end. I want a special husband who loves me, to share emotions, to look at me while I am sleeping, to wake me up with a kiss, to make love with me so gentle, to read a book in the bed with me, I want to have kids, I want to go to my mother's in the weekends, I want to travel by train in the summer, I want to fight with my husband and after some time look in his eyes and say "I am sorry" even if I am not wrong and kiss him a movie kiss, I want to take my dog to a walk, I want to cook, I want to send christmas cars, I want to call my husband in his job just to say how much I love him, I want to take my kids in my mother at saturday to go to movies with my man, I want to take kids to the park, I want to write a book, I want to call my friend, I want to take a shower and read a book in bed, I want to help the kids with the homework, I want a simple life, nothing else. I don't need so much money to be happy but all i want is find the happiness and the meaning of my life!

I want to go back home!

Today I woke up with one only and simple feeling... I want to go back home.
Today is my brother's birthday party and I'd like to be there, not for the party, but to make the cake, to help my mom.... I want to go home so bad!
I want to give up everything and go back, I don't have any motivation, I don't like this place, I am crying eyes out, I don't want to eat, I don't want to go out of this room.
But i know where I want to go and I also know why!

I'm All Alone!

I have one day alone to think about what do I really want, what is important to me, what do I want to do!
I want to listen some music, read a book, or even try!
I don't want to hear anyone, I want to feel the peace through my pours, I want to sleep all I need, I want to dance and speak with myself.
I want to paint my nails, wash my hair and talk to my mom!
I want to wear my favorite clothes, I want to eat junky food, I want to scream I want silence...
But maybe I need more than a simple day, maybe I need a week, a month, why not a year?
I will spend the whole day at home, I will enjoy me, me just me... cause I'm all alone!

I walked a thousand miles to find one river of peace

"I walked a million more to find what this shit means"


Why do we always complicate everything?
Why some people live some feeling with such intensity than other?
I want to help, I want to fix the world, what's the problem in the world?
I want to bring you up here, and I want to take you there, cause I want to see you smile, I want to see you happy!
Can I show you what my life is about?
I have something you need, you have something I am missing!
I have sin in my veins, you are the poison.
Why can't you see me? Show me what do you have underneath your clothes.
I want to take some rest, but I want to travel the world, I close my eyes and I can see your face... I shiver imagining you in here!
I don't want to play the cards, I love your game, touch my hair!
Stop the world I don't want to go anymore
Everybody is changing and I don't feel the same.

I want to fly

I want to fly, but I want you to be with me, I want to share the view with you.
I want to share a crib, I want to share my life with you.
I want to fly, but I want you to be with me, I want you to be with me!

Can you stop this heart?

I don´t to study, I don´t want to hear any story, I don´t want to read any sheet, I don´t want to meet anyone,I don´t want to go anywhere, I don´t want to see any face, I don´t want to smile.
I want a place of mine,
Stop the pressure around me, stop pretend everything is fine.
Stop trying to make me see what I can´t see, stop asking me something I cannot give.
I don´t want to make any plan, I don´t want to talk about issues, I don´t have a pen, I don´t want to make friends.
Stop this heart for me please.
Stop the world, I don´t want to play this fucking stupied game.
Turn off the light, i have nothing to do with this!
Leave me alone!

The lonenly rose!!!

I am surrounded by so many people but i am feeling so lonely.
There´s bit empty space in my heart, but i don´t know what I am missing. My mom? my siblings? my friends? or maybe it´s my life to start. Last year i heard something that make me feel love and happy, but i still have this empty space inside of me!
I wish I could travel away to find what is missing in my heart and feel a less hopeless.
But I´ve learn that we have everything we need, but we are never happy, we aways want something we don´t have and maybe something we don´t even need so much, but just the fact that we don´t have makes us need it.
I wish i could stop complicating my life, and I also wish I was done with looking for something i don´t know what is!

The Rhapsody

I have seen love escape out of my hands, before
Like a captive bird long awaiting the tilt of the door
And it seems that it's all I withhold keeps you coming for more
That it's all I don't tell
Keeps you under the spell

Won't you stay a while and comfort me
Relieve me of my sanity
Make me part of a greater totality
I'd surrender it all for a fantasy

Darling kiss me again I will try to pretend that I'm with you
But my heart is on hold resisting it's ache to sink with you
If you master the word then you know of it's longing to trick you And then it's all I don't tell
That keeps you under the spell

I was warned of the search of sagacity
of desolating my destiny
of becoming a victim of vanity
But I'm still in love with the rhapsody

I tried Valium and Ecstasy
None of which have set me free
I tried Sigmund Freudian therapy
and it seemed to get the best of me
I tried the arms of strong men you see
none of whom have rescued me
and I tried and tried just to let it be
but I do not have the capacity
Cause I have seen love escape out of my hands, before...

Kira and the kindred spirits - the rhapsody

Hablas español?

English
I am in Bolivia now with my cousin Carol, she is the best, we laugh so hard and have so much fun.
We will go back to Brazil tomorrow, Andrey is coming tonight or tomorrow morning!
I miss my family so much, and I can`t hardly wait to go back!!!
Tomorrow I will send some pics in here and in the fotolog!

Sofy I miss you!

__________________________________
Portugues
Estou na Bolivia com minha prima Carol, ela eh a melhor, agente ri muito de dar dor de barriga, mas agente se diverte.
Agente volta pro Brasil amanha, o Andrey vem pra ca ou hoje ou amanha!
Estou com muita saudade da minha familia a mal posso esperar pra volta!!!
Amanha eu coloco umas fotos aki e no fotolog!

:)
________________________________
Español
Estoy en Bolivia con mi prima Carol, ella es la mejor. Nos reimos tanto y nos lo pasamos tan bien...
Regresaremos a Brasil mañana ¡Andrey viene esta noche o mañana por la mañana!
Echo muchísimo de menos a mi familia y apenas puedo esperar para volver
Mañana subiré algunas fotos aquí y al fotoblog.
Gracias Sonia, la mejor española de mi vida

Deciding the future!

Sitting here in fron the computer I am wondering, why did I choose Jornalism?
Yes i do like to write and read, but it is reasons enough? Why some people always have in mind what they want to do in lifetime? I am 21 and I am not so sure of what I really want to do in my life but there´s one thing I hate, to be in doubt!
Decide the furute is too much resposability and I am not ready for this, but I do have to decide it now!
I shouldn´t take my life so seriously but i don´t know how, I shouldn´t take myself so seriously as well!
The only thing I don´t want to is to regard!

Don´t bother

I am tired of my "friends", they are anooying, don´t respect me at all, so this is it, I will avoid them, cause I know this is what would they do.

Don't let me be the last to know

I'm afraid of loosing one of most precious things in my life and I'm not the only one.
Mr.D. for example fght against the reality pretending that The Blue Princess already belongs to him and I pretend to myself that my Sunshine, shines just for me.
Face the reality is painfull sometimes, cause I really like him, but lose something I've never had is even worst.
I said the importance of being part of you, not it's up to you.
But in the end we don't know anything about tomorrow, but the words, promises and wishes make me wonder, if Will You Marry Me?

________________________
I don't want to be chosen I rather choose.
I don't want anyone else to love me, just the one I love!

One step close to the edge, I´m about to break

I am feeling exactly the same way as my best friend, sad, depressed, and sad.... and my head aches!!!!
My head is like a bomb just waiting, and I just have hopless feeling inside of me and all i want is die!
But i cannot die now, I have to watch harry potter´s new movie!!! hehehe
Lately i wrote a letter to my 2 friends telling everything i don´t like about them and maybe i´ve been mean, but sometimes we need to figure out how annoying we are, I know i´m annoying all the time, this is why I am always at my home.....
Sometimes I want to die, but i am not hurting myself anymore.

Wishfull thinking

Why are we always looking for love?
Love to fulfil our hearts, to complete our lives.
Why all of suddenly I get so blind, out of my mind, giving my heart to him?
There´s always a brand new beginning after a heartbreak and the blind hope of a happily ever after.
Suddenly his voice and his name sounds like music to me and love songs makes me cry.
Am I silly or just too needed?
No, maybe after hearing the weeding song saturday I got a little sentimental!

30 minuts

out of sight
out of mind
out of time
to decide

do we run?
should i hide?
for the rest
of my life?

can we fly?
do i stay?
we could lose
we could fail

in the moment
it takes
to make plans
or mistakes

30 minutes, a blink of an eye
30 minutes to alter our lives
30 minutes to make up my mind
30 minutes to finally decide

30 minutes to whisper your name
30 minutes to shoulder the blame
30 minutes of bliss, thirty lies
30 minutes to finally decide

carousels
in the sky
that we shape
with our eyes

under shade
silhouettes
casting shade
crying rain

can we fly?
do i stay?
we could lose
we could fail
either way
options change
chances fail
trains derail

Humming bird and pink rose

We are so real as the sunrise and the sunset every single day at my window,
We are so real as the fresh and clean summer morning rain,
I am so real as the spring morning dew in the pink roses at the back yard and
You are so real as the dark blue humming bird searching for the roses' honey.
We are so real as the fact that you will probably be the one opening the petals still wet by dew and smelling chocolate for the very first time and,
We will entangle us through multi colour silk ribbons.
It's so real as the fact I wake up everyday feeling your essence exhaling from my pores
It's so real as the melodies composite by birds celebrating the bliss
And they can't take it away from us, not even steal our sunshine, cause we are so real as their weakness and our strength.

No more darkness

You blame me for something I can't control I feel guilty, you controled every single move I made and I thought I was part of your life like you was part of mine.
It took so long for me to see you fooled me.
It took so long for me to set myself free. I should know that prince charming only exist in fairy tales ad you turn my life intoa nightmare.
I was in love with you, but you're just a big fat lie and when I needed you most you walked away from me, you never made me feel like I was special, cause I am special, doens't matter if I am in college or not, doens't matter how graduated I can be, I am still special and you was so blind to see it.
It was a huge mistake believing you and trusting every single word you said.
The pills in my night table shows me how sick I'm and it's all because of you.
The only thing I want now is you to pass away like a river ain my life and never comes back.
Because there's something wrong about you cause you're too perfect to be true.
I hope your mamma have told you that what goes around comes back around.


Listening: The Rasmus - No Fear